We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. 
Now here are the rules from the male side. These 
are our rules! If you're a man, pass to your partner
for greater understanding. If you're a woman, keep 
it somewhere prominent, like on the fridge!

ATTENTION LADIES!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If 
it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it 
down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving 
it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not 
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet 
again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live 
with it.

4. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the 
changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always 
more attractive than short hair. One of the big 
reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair and by then you're 
stuck with her.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never 
going to think of it that way.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this 
one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and 
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently 
beforehand.

10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. 
What makes you think we'd be any good choosing 
which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers 
to almost every question.

12. Come to us with a problem only if you want 
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is 
what your girlfriends are for.

13. A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. 
See a doctor.

14. Check your oil! Please.

15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible 
in an argument. In fact, all comments become null 
and void after 7 days.

16. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't 
ask us. We refuse to answer.

17. If something we said can be interpreted two 
ways, and one of the ways make you sad or 
angry, we meant the other one.

18. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway - it's 
genetic.

19. You can either ask us to do something or tell 
us how you want it done. Not both. If you already 
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you 
have to say during commercials.

21. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, 
and neither do we.

22. The relationship is never going to be like it was 
the first two months we were going out. Get over it. 
And quit whining to your girlfriends.

23. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows 
default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not 
a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

24. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

25. We are not mind readers and we never will be. 
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how 
little we care about you.

26. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", 
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're
lying but it is just not worth the hassle.

27. If you ask a question you don't want an answer 
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

28. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely 
anything you wear is fine. Really.

29. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless 
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel 
lint, the offside rule or motor bikes.

30. You have enough clothes.

31. You have too many shoes.

32. No, you really do have too many shoes.

33. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take 
the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

34. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for 
you.

35. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

36. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have 
to sleep on the couch tonight but did you know we 
really don't mind that? It's like camping.